To Baby or Not to Baby

I just think a baby concentrating is the cutest things in the world.

Here he is sqeezing with all his might.

Our proud little goofball.

Bumbles is getting bigger.  He has 6 teeth.  He can eat solid foods.  He can crawl.  He says "Mama" and "Dada".  Today he even pulled himself up to a standing position holding on to the couch.  They grow up so fast (thank heavens! jk).  I do have to say babies are a lot of work.  I have mulled over in my head at least 59 million times about whether or not Bumbles will be my last one.  I just can't decide.  I was going to do a pros and cons list, but I decided it would be too complicated. 

Here are the main points I'm pondering.

1. We really want another little girl.  If Bumbles had been a girl I would have been done, but I'm trying to decide if I can try one more time and hope for a girl. However, I have very stressful pregnancies because I had a stillborn baby, which was very traumatic and I really do not want to repeat that.  Therefore, I have to take heart medicine when I'm pregnant to keep my heart from racing, but even with the meds I don't feel strong.  Plus, I worry, worry, worry and annoy people constantly while I'm pregnant.  Of course, my stillborn baby was a little girl (we named her Lili) so maybe I'm just trying to replace her which I'll never be able to do.  I believe I will be with Lili again some day and have a chance to raise her.  Maybe I'll just have to wait to receive the joy of raising another little girl until later.  (and so will Sweets).
2. If what we really want is a little girl maybe we should just adopt.  However, my MIL would not like that at all and that could be challenging.  Plus, I need more info about how well institutionalized children recover once they leave the institution. Plus, if we adopt then we could adopt an older baby and skip the baby phase.  However, that might be difficult on the other kids if they are too close in age.
3. I've been really stressed out this year trying to homeschool with a small baby and a 3-year-old.  I'm trying to decide if I feel like I can have another baby if I'm not a homeschooler.  Or if homeschooling is important enough to me that I would just have to stick with 4 kids, because I just couldn't do this with a baby again.

You see it is quite a quandary (I love that word).  If you have any tips let me know.  I just keep thinking of what my dad said to me when I was trying to decide if I should go on a mission.  He said, "There is one choice that you will never regret."  He wasn't trying to tell me what to do, but he was just saying if I decided 'no' I might regret it, but if I decided 'yes' how could I regret it.  Maybe that is my answer right there.  I would never regret having another baby - I just don't know if my family can handle the physical, emotional, financial stress of another baby.  I could go on, but I think I've given you enough to think about.